


some assembly required

by Satine86



Series: that modern AU [10]
Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Pregnancy, Swearing, Trash Talk, and a few short jokes, bros being bros, sorry phillip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: “We are both intelligent, capable grown men. We can do this!”“Nah, man. I don’t think we can, and I’m totally fine with admitting defeat."





	some assembly required

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm kinda bummed out so please enjoy some indulgent silliness with Phillip and W.D. being idiot bros.
> 
> I guess this counts as a missing scene from no use pretending?

“Okay, W.D, we've got this!” Phillip spoke encouragingly, though he wasn’t sure if it was more for his sake or his brother-in-law’s. “We are both intelligent, capable grown men. We can do this!”

W.D. looked up from where he sat on the floor, two blocks of wood clutched in either hand, and a giant piece of paper unfolded on his lap. Around him the carpet was strewn with more blocks of wood, some large, some small, rounded and flat, along with an array of screws and bolts and things neither knew the name for. 

“Nah, man. I don’t think we can, and I’m totally fine with admitting defeat.” He started to stand up.

“No, nonono. You are not leaving me alone.” Phillip waved frantically toward the door of the nursery. “Remember, you’re doing this for precious little sister who you love a lot. And your precious little niece, who is not here yet, but you will also love a lot.”

“And maybe,” Phillip held his thumb and forefinger together, “a little bit for your brother-in-law? Who you like fine, and is entirely too old to sit and cry over IKEA furniture.”

W.D. rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’ll stay. But only to save your dignity.” 

“I’m fine with that. Let’s just read over the instructions again.”

“They didn’t make sense the first five times we read them, how is a sixth gonna help?” 

“Because we have all the pieces sorted?” Phillip made a flourishing gesture toward the items taking up the majority of the floor. 

“I guess it can’t hurt, and at least we know those are the legs. So worse case we can just… build up?” He shrugged. 

***

“I don’t think we did it right.”

“Really? What gave it away, Carlyle?” 

Phillip looked at the misshapen crib, extra screws clenched in his hand even though they had used all the wooden pieces in the box. Nothing made sense anymore. “Or,” he said. “It could be IKEA’s new Salvador Dali inspired collection?” 

“Because melting clocks are so baby friendly?” W.D. looked at him like he’d grown an extra appendage. “What if we just shove everything back in the box and try to find a pre-assembled one?”

“If we get a different crib it won’t match the exact feel of the nursery, and Anne has worked very tirelessly with her extreme nesting urges to make sure everything fits together _just so_. If we fuck that up, she will murder us both. With absolutely no remorse.” 

“That’s right,” W.D. nodded. “She is scary as hell.”

“And I think you’ll find fear of death is a very powerful motivator.” 

“Okay, let’s take this shitshow down.” 

Before either of them could make a move to dismantle the crib, Anne appeared in the doorway with an eyebrow raised in question.

“We’re not done!” Phillip said. 

She looked between the two of them and the crib, and back again. “Why don’t you two come downstairs? Take a little break, and get a snack.” 

“Are you moming us right now?” W.D. wrinkled his nose at her. 

“No, but you _have_ been up here for hours. I think stepping back for a little bit might be a good idea. But just a break,” she pointed at the crib, “because my baby is not going anywhere near that deathtrap.” Anne put a hand on her lower back and turned around. She still had a few months before her due date, but in recent weeks she had begun to show quite noticeably. 

“Besides,” she said over her shoulder. “I had a craving and made beignets. You two should count your blessings that I’m even sharing.” With that she disappeared out the nursery door. 

“Beignets,” W.D. whispered.

He and Phillip side-eyed each other before they both bolted for the door, trying to shoulder the other out of the way like a pair of hyperactive children. Once they spilled into the hall, it was a mad scramble as they raced downstairs, each trying to be first. Anne barely had time to get out of the way as they skidded into the kitchen.

“Maybe I should mom you? Since you’re both apparently five!” 

***

“Holy shit.” W.D. whistled.

“It looks just like the picture on the box,” Phillip whispered in awe. “Should we test it? Make sure it holds?”

“We actually used all the screws this time, so I mean… it should?” 

“I’m not trusting my baby’s safety on “it should”, W.D.”

“All right, all right. So what do we have that’s equal to a baby?” They both looked around the nursery, both came up empty with what they could use to test the weight for the crib.

“What’s the max weight for it?” Phillip asked, glancing at the box.

“Why?” 

“Well, I mean we could just…” He motioned climbing into the crib. “If it holds one of us, we know it’s safe for a baby.” 

“I am not climbing into a damn crib.” 

“I guess you don’t love your niece then.” 

“Screw you. Rock, paper, scissors?” 

“On three?” Phillip raised an eyebrow. 

They got into position, hands raised above their open palms. “One. Two. Three!” they said in unison. In the fallout Phillip was the one who lost, defeated by paper. 

“It might be for the best,” W.D. said, leaning his arm on Phillip’s shoulder. “Who knows what the max weight is, and you are… smaller.” 

“Shut up, man.” 

“What’s that? I can’t quite hear you all the down there.” W.D. cupped a hand to his ear.

Phillip glared. “I hate you. So much.” 

“Aw, you’re cute when you’re mad.” W.D ruffled his hair. Phillip slapped his hands away, smoothed a hand over his hair.

“I’m ignoring you and finishing this.” He sighed, yanked on the crib several times before he carefully climbed in it. Thankfully it seemed to hold his weight.

“Hey!” W.D. cheered, hands in the air. “We did it!”

That was when Anne appeared again. She looked between them, like she had earlier, and frowned slightly. “Do I even want to know?”

“We wanted to see if it would hold weight.” Phillip quickly climbed out of the crib, straightened out his shirt. 

“So instead of using literally anything else in the house, you decided to see if the crib was designed to hold a full grown a man?” 

“Are we sure he’s full grown though?” W.D. asked through his laughter. 

Phillip flipped him off with both hands. “Fuck you, _Wilfred_.” 

“Hey, only my mama gets to call me that!”

“Boys!” Anne cut in before either of them could rile the other up further. “Now, W.D. I think it’s time you ran on home. You’ve both had a big day today.” 

“Now she really is moming us,” W.D. said out of the corner of his mouth.

“I know. I’m not sure how to feel about it.” Phillip frowned.

W.D. turned his head toward Phillip, eyes narrowed. “Please don’t tell me this is the part where all your parental issues surface in the form of a mommy kink.” 

“Ew! That is not what I meant at all!” 

“Okay! Really that’s enough!” Anne clapped her hands. “W.D. go. Phillip stay.” 

“I’m going, I’m going.” W.D. bent and pressed a quick kiss to Anne’s cheek.

“Thanks again, Wilfred.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Like you said I did it for my sister. See y’all later.” He flashed a peace sign over his shoulder before disappearing downstairs. After a moment they could hear the sound of their front door closing. 

“Did you boys have fun today?” Anne’s smile was wide, and thoroughly amused. 

“Oh, a blast.” He rolled his eyes. Anne raised her eyebrows. “Okay, yeah.. kinda. It was nice W.D. was here,” he mumbled. 

“I’m glad.” Anne looped her arms around Phillip’s neck, meant to lean in close for a kiss only to be hindered by her belly. 

He glanced down, tried not to laugh. “Yeah, that doesn’t work so well anymore, baby.” 

She pouted, bottom lip jutting out. Phillip did laugh at that, leaned in the rest of the way and kissed her. 

“This means the nursery is done, right?” He pulled back and looked at her, eyebrows raised.

“Yup!” Anne glanced around the room, obviously pleased. “Baby and I are very happy.” 

“Good.” Phillip stole another quick kiss. “Now about the rest of the beignets…”

“It’s cute how you think I’m sharing more.” Anne patted his face, made a cooing noise in the back of her throat. She dislodged herself from him and walked out the door without a backwards glance. Phillip stared at the doorway for a moment, brows knitted together. 

“That’s just cruel!” he finally called after her. Phillip could hear her laughter from downstairs.


End file.
